Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
