i permit you to call me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
