Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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