The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
