I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
