Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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