I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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