Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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