their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
