Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Found your dick twin last night
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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