you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
