Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
