Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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