I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
