Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
