Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
