Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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