any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
