You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
