the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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