nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
