dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
