But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
