This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
