Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
