After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
