just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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