Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
