Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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