Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
