3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
