I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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