we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
