if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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