i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
