you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
