Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just high enough for therapy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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