I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize