Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
