Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
