You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
