Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
