im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
