Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
