Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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