Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
