So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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