My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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