I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
