She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
whose parrot is this?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
