Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
