Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
