my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
