Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
