you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
did you just send me my own nude
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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