I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ladies don't puke and tell
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
