I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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