I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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