the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
