Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
