I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
