we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize