i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
