omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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