She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Come on in and take your pants off
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