He uses pillows to masturbate.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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