You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
