My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
