Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
