her vagina looked like bernie madoff
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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