We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
