My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
