what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
