Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When did angry sex become our thing?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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