Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
